It felt surreal as I did everything for the last time; stopped into Mugshots coffeehouse for a final gingersnap latte, dropped the books I had been hoarding off at the library and talked to a beloved past coworker, had breakfast at Minnie’s with my father before he had to go to work, shop around the farmer’s market and talk with the vendors whom each I have come to know very well.
I know I will see everyone and everything again when I come to visit but it won’t be quite the same. I’m sure I won’t be either, I’m already not.
As I was preparing to take my leave to go, I kept relating myself to a book character in a series I recently finished. It was written in a way that left it open-ended, things were implied but you didn’t know for sure. The brunette protagonist, after heading a movement, was leaving everything she had known for a new beginning.
Her journey changed her in many ways, it challenged her relationships, it introduced her to new struggles, to things so much bigger than herself, but she held such a significance that no one, including herself, ever expected her to have.
So many people hated the ending of this series- I read the reviews. The battle had been won but the revolution was still in progress and we were given no idea if our protagonist would end up with her love interest. Many were left confused and unsatisfied with this ending, but I think I get it now.
We were left with just as much idea about the future as the protagonist. And isn’t that how we all travel through life? In the very beginning of the series, the protagonist describes what direction her life is expected to take, and surely it would have happened exactly as stated had a curveball not been thrown and a reckless chain-reaction ensued. How many times in our lives does that happen to us?
Prior to leaving I was overwhelmed by just how much things were about to change, and how much they already had. I thought I knew the exact direction my life was going to take and was sent reeling when this changed so abruptly in a way I couldn’t have predicted. It shook my confidence in this new opportunity I have and I was terrified that this too, would not work out like I had planned.
What brought me comfort through it all was my relationship to God, it seemed he was continually putting things in my path to remind me just how overwhelmingly loved I am. And I truly mean overwhelming. It’s helped me to realize a lot of things.
I now know what new direction I want to take, and this apprenticeship is exactly what will help me achieve that, as well as some of the new relationships I’m building. But I’m not living for the future like I once was. Instead, I’m choosing to live for the day, achieving and fitting as much life as I can within 24 hours instead of waiting for a better tomorrow. I’m choosing to keep my story open-ended.